Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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