The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
