I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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