using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
