I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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