so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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