they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Someone came in the potted fern
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
