Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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