As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
