my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
