i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
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it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
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Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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