man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
