He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
