There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
