Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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