well I can't set my house on fire every night
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
