so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
