So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
