i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize