i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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