Are we in a gay sports bar?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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