Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
