2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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