how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
