direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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