3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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