so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
