Already got asked if we're dating
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
