i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
