it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
