It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
