My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
