my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
