actually, I'm a sock model
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
