got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
