Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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