Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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