I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
It's just like the Real World with babies
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
