Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
