Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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