I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
