ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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