The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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