Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
