hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
