we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
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Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
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also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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