Your dad touched me again.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
