omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
