I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
