what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
