I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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