I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
