My friends, they love my intelligence
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize