i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
