4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My brain says no but my pants say off.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I wish you could order shots online.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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