3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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