Dual....:-)
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize