I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
