hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
