Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
