he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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