I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
