remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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