Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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