Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
