It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
